The in-between

Things have been pretty crazy around here. With husband still commuting to work since we have yet to find the right home for us and now his work trip out of town I have been on baby duty on my own. Man this gig is tough stuff sometimes. Trying to keep my calm and not show my seams in front of the boys has been a real challenge and sometimes I am not too good at it.

I keep wanting us to go to the next step already. I have mentally already moved out of this home and have already said goodbye to my life in this city. But guess what? I am still here. I was talking to a good friend today about sometimes getting so caught up in the future that you completely shut off what is in front of you. I call it the "in between real life" period but it doesn't make this time any less real. And time is going to keep going whether I am ready for it or not. I am praying that I can stay in the moment and make the best of what is in front of me. So for now I am going to remember to take deep breaths, smile often and go with the punches.... at least try to.

Technicolored dream tights

A simple and quick makeup routine.These are a few of my staples.

Being a mom is a tough job. It will suck the life out of you if you let it. Now let me confess something right here and now. I strive for perfection when it comes to my parenting. I constantly obsess about what I am not doing, what I should be doing, and what I am doing wrong all the time. This insecurity has seeped so much into my brain that I was really letting it affect every part of my life. I was putting myself constantly on the back burner in order to "try" to excel at parenting these babies. 

Well ladies, I suspect most of you mothers have already done this and found out. It's impossible!!!! There is no way to be able to give so much of yourself daily without filling up your glass a little too, I can't do it all and attempting to do it was leaving things in a worse state.

Above that I was feeling guilty  (don't get me started about mom guilt I think it's a sickness) about not having fun doing my dream job. Being a stay at home mom was something I always wanted to do and now that I had it I was resenting it. Now what?

I took a step back and realized that I was missing the me before babies. The me that would do her hair and makeup everyday and wear pants that didn't have elastic. Since Wolf was born you could pretty much find me in a pair of sweats and my hair pilled high and no makeup. Now if you know me personally that is certainly not me. As silly as this sounds it was really affecting my everyday life. I prayed about it for a long time struggling about how I couldn't possibly find the time to do this daily and still meet "all" the boys needs. And I realized that I will never be able to meet "all" their needs and if I didn't spend that bit of time for myself daily the outcome of my attitude would only get worse. 

So for the past two weeks. I have dedicated the boys first nap to me. I workout, I shower, do my makeup and actually get dressed, this is also the time when I blog. And you know what? It's working. I feel I little more like my old self. And am able to give the boys including my husband a better me. One  that is starting to like herself again and is showing pride in who she is. I feel more energetic and just down right happier. 

I even wore a dress with my favorite pair of tights. Check out Bear and I comparing shoes.