Saturday, January 31, 2015

Everything is beautiful

I have been living in the space between my ears a lot lately. Which as so many would tell you, it is just not a good thing. Hypersensitivity, and self doubt can really mess with you.

It's no doubt that the time we have spent here in Idaho has really rocked our family for the good. Blessings, new passions, rekindled love for God , have all been a part of this journey. But there is always that whisper. You have heard it too. It sometimes comes as white noise, it starts off quiet and all of a sudden you become so fixed on the buzzing that, that is all you hear. The thing  that makes you feel like maybe what you have isn't enough, How you live, what you do is not enough, the desire for more is what I am suppose to strive for. And maybe you may never accomplish that because you aren't worthy of it anyway. The cycle continues until you are so blinded by your own thoughts that each day seems mundane.

I've been praying a lot about my attitude, for God to help me soften my heart and see the worth in myself and my life.  I've slowly seen the the transformation. The gratitude list growing daily. For someone who takes pride in enjoying simple pleasures it was a big realization to see that although I may enjoy  small moments I somehow can easily block them out at the end of the night and just determine "today wasn't very good... that little moment was fun but the rest just stunk" How could I be so quick to dismiss my joy? As if the time it lasted was the only thing to base the true significance of it in my day. "It was only a minute or two", sometimes dismissing whole hours or part of the day merely to prove my point of how bad that day was. How could I do that? Rather, how dare I do that! The Lord will without a doubt brings something in my day that will bring me joy, often I can guarantee that He brings many things throughout the day that make me smile.  It's my job to tally those daily blessings up and come up with a total that better represents my day, my life and my journey. Friends I  am here to say that most days my math is off. My smiles and laughs well out weigh the bad. I am here to correct my attitude. It won't come all at once but I want to slowly change my nightly talk about the miserable part of the day and really look at those little moments and really rejoice in all that has been given to me and my loved ones.

My little Wolf often comes upstairs in the middle of the night and we are awaken  the next morning with he and Bear curled up next to our bed on the floor. Wolf wakes with a full thought and ready for a conversation the moment his eyes open.  A few days ago he awoke looked at me with sleepy doe eyes and said "Mama everything is beautiful" it was both a statement and a question. I looked at his sweet inquisitive face. Full on eagerness to love all that is around him and responded "yes baby everything is beautiful" because at that very second it really was.

1 comment:

  1. So sweet and true and honest. I needed to read this tonight. Thanks for sharing! You are such a blessing to me. God IS good. Love ya dear friend :)