Do you ever over think something so much that you end up doing nothing? That is the very the place I am with my parenting. Lately I have second guessing myself and what I should be doing with the boys to the point that I end up doing nothing. It doesn't help that there are a lot of changes going on in our life, all good but as I have mentioned before I have a hard time with transition.
I got to thinking about how much pressure I put on myself to always do the "right/best" thing as a mom. And I realized that most moms are no strangers to these feelings yet we rarely confess them. Because somehow by saying "I am not sure what I should be doing right now?" it somehow means that we are admitting to failure. And no one want to feel like that when it comes to their kids.
The truth is that even though it may not feel like this all the time we are better moms for it. The fact that we stress out about any and all aspects of our kids lives (what they eat, what they learn, what books we should read, etc.) It means we are dedicated mothers who only wish to do the very best for them. We care so much that we often find our worth in these activities. I know I do.
I am learning to understand that there are stages in life, that we can't always be perfect and my boys will be fine despite my imperfections. I am learning to accept this un-inspiring time and enjoy what these quiet moments have to offer. I am learning to take the pressure off myself and not over think everything but rather be present in the moment. In the whole scheme of life there are only a few short years that my kids will be this little and need me this much. Maybe I should stop searching for things to do with them and instead BE with them. I am learning to love myself and through that teach my kids to love themselves. For now I am just going to stop and enjoy.